4 steps to better boundaries at work
- Tracey Hewett
- Apr 30
- 6 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
Learn a simple process to identify and prioritise what matters
Do you find yourself spread too thin across all that you've to get done? Do you often work later and longer than planned? Do you have trouble saying no to requests?
At work, it's very easy to say yes to another ask, another task, another Teams meeting. But in saying yes to extra demands we're effectively saying no to our own work.
And if we're always saying yes to requests, if people think we're available to assist whenever they want (we teach folk how to treat us), then it's just a short walk to needing to work long hours to get our own work done.
The good news is there is another way :)
Whether you want better worklife balance, be more productive or feel more in control, boundaries are the answer.
Why do I say boundaries are the answer? Because by claiming and stating boundaries at work, you:
Prioritise what matters,
Preserve your energy,
Maintain focus and productivity,
Protect your time,
Prevent over-commitment,
Reduce resentment,
Decrease work-related stress,
Increase your work satisfaction.
Work sustainably.
All good stuff, right?
The bad news is it's often uncomfortable stating limits and advocating for ourselves.
Why is it uncomfortable to state limits and advocate for ourselves?
It's uncomfortable because our needs and wants get conflicted.
We need to say yes to what matters (get stuff done/end work on time etc.) and,
we want to:
- be liked/seen as helpful,
- not let others down,
- protect ourselves from judgement,
- ---------- fill in the blank.
If you find it hard to say no so you can say yes to what matters, this four step process will help you draw the line.
Tip! You’ll need a pen, paper and a place to reflect.
1. Get clear on what matters to you
The starting point is knowing what’s important. Make a list of everything that matters to you in each domain (work, family, health etc), then rank it in order of importance to you.
In a work context, below are the top five things that matter to me.
Managing my capacity/energy.
A sense of control; systems to manage my work, no left-field asks.
Being professional, e.g. staying true to my word, delivering on time
Having uninterrupted 2-hour blocks of concentration time.
Being present / undistracted in all meetings.
2. Identify how you'll meet these needs
Next decide how you’ll honour the top 5 things in each domain.
Start by focusing on what’s within your control. Where can you set limits, block out time, better manage other things so you can do what matters?
Here are things that I do in support of what matters to me workwise:
I know my priorities for the month and week (they go in my calendar first).
I divide my days into 2 hour blocks of time.
I organise my week so that tasks/meetings/coaching sessions occur when I’m in the right energetic state.
I allocate certain blocks for meetings and let people know when I'm available.
I batch similar activities to limit switching and maintain focus.
I buffer tasks with active rest breaks.
I build in spare capacity.
If I’m coaching in the evening, I make sure I build in downtime elsewhere in the day.
I diarise everything. If it’s not on my calendar, it’s unlikely to get done.
The life that is not consciously directed often flows with little meaning and ends in a swamp (Morton T. Kelsey)
3. Invert your ABCs
You should now have a good list of what you might do to prioritise what matters to you. Before you put those things into action, it's important to think about what might derail the plan.
A framework I use when helping people examine the causes and conditions that lead to unsustainable working practices is an ‘A.B.C. boundary review’.
Together we take a look at:
Actions (what they do),
Beliefs (what they think) and,
Circumstances (when it happens).
To help us see what’s going on I use inversion, the problem-solving technique championed by the investor Waffen Buffet.
I ask them to share all that they’d be thinking and doing, as well as what others might do, that cause them to work later than planned or login later.
By using inversion, we surface the issues that could sabotage our plans, we go beyond simply coming up with ways to better manage our time.
This way we can extend our list of actions to include those that deal with the causes of working long hours, rather than simply treating the symptoms.
Ask yourself:
A. What kind of things would I be doing with/for others instead of prioritising my work/needs?
B. What would I be saying to myself that would lead to me downgrading my needs/priorities?
C. What would be happening that would lead to me choosing to de-prioritise my work/needs?
Once you can see how your choices impact your ability to get work done, you can think about how you might deal with the situations/circumstances that lead you to down prioritising other things.
4. Communicate your boundaries
Now we know what matters and ways we can honour it, it’s time to draw those boundary lines, state limits and say no.
This is often the hardest part because we fear people's judgement.
How to think about boundaries
When we allow other things to interrupt and encroach on our time, we can find ourselves drained of energy and/or behind on our own work.
Claiming boundaries and stating our needs protects what matters most to us.
Each time you say no to a request is a vote for what's a priority for you. It's not about discounting the needs of others, it's about not discounting yours.
When you implement systems that help you to prioritise what's important to you, you make a stand for sustainable working. You teach people that your time and tasks matter.
And, by modelling good boundaries, you give permission for others to do the same.
The banks of the Yangtze give it depth, drive and direction (Chinese Proverb)
Some tips on dealing with a request
If you have a tendency to say yes to requests although you're already stacked, you could try implementing a triage system.
Start by acknowledging the request. Then tell the asking party you’ll consider the request and come back to them.
Next ask yourself these questions:
1. What will it cost me, if I say yes? Will it compromise something important?
2. What is the gain of saying no?
3. Would I still say yes, if I wasn’t fearful of the consequences of saying no (what they might think of me etc)?
Remember, it’s not a question if you can do the task (they wouldn’t ask you if you couldn’t) but, should you be taking it on right now?
If you can see a way you can help that doesn't jeopardise you, offer support.
If you think you could support in a different way or someone else might be able to help, make suggestions.
If you cannot do what is being asked. Remain respectful as you state your no. Do not debate or feel you need to explain. Clear and concise is sufficient.
If it’s a more senior member of staff, share what’s on your plate already. Ask for help prioritising, decide together what can be de-prioritised.
If you're regularly asked for your input, consider setting "surgery" times in your day that people can book. There will always be other things they can get on with until you're available.
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If you’re feeling pulled in lots of directions, working long hours to keep up or find it difficult to prioritise your work/personal needs, it’s time to do some boundary work.
By knowing what’s important, implementing systems and establishing boundaries to protect it, we say yes to sustainable working, respecting each other’s time and creating a healthier workplace culture.
Take care of you.
Want help creating a better worklife balance, getting clarity on what matters to you or, gaining confidence in stating your boundaries?
Message me and let's talk about how I might be a resource to you
Read this post to learn more about boundaries and why they matter
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
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